All Fired Up

I wanted this post to be about what I did today, but wanted to first briefly talk about stuff on my mind.  “Briefly” quickly (and I mean very quickly) turned into a long rant about my class.  Needless to say, I’ve thrown in a lot of curse words in this one.  I’m sure I’ve had posts with more f-words and such in them, but I think I was just more conscious of it this time, so I’m tossing this warning-of-sorts into this header.  I also typically try to proofread my post prior to publishing, but at this length, I’m going to skip it.  I’ll likely find my typos a week or two later when I reread what I wrote, hopefully finding it amusing after having received good grades.  Again, that’s what I’m hoping.  It may or may not turn out that way.

You know by now how happy I am that the Fall quarter is over with.  You also know by now that it’s probably too good to be true that I can only be feeling happy right now.  You know me too well.  My indescribably feeling of freedom and hundreds of feelings that come bundled together with freedom are being overshadowed by feelings of anger, annoyance, and fear.  The fear of getting shitty grades.  After working my ass off every single motherfucking day this quarter (literally 8 hour work days, then 6-9p in the library, or class then library until 9 or 10p, and even more near the end of the quarter), I’m likely going to end up with shit grades.  Is it my fault?  I suppose it’s always going to be partly my fault; there was probably five minutes where I could have been studying instead of checking my email, or I could have studied instead of taking a break.  But this time, I gonna blame my bitch professor if he gives me a crap grade (i.e. C, or god forbid, a fucking D).  For many reasons that are perfectly clear to me, I’ll probably not be too pissed at the grades I get from my other classes–assuming I pass at least, which I better fucking do.  There’s just one of my classes and one of my professors that is a little bitch.  You’re about to join me while I bash his face in (metaphorically) through shit talking.  That is, truthful shit talking.

While logically speaking, there is absolutely no way he could possibly have the nerve to give me a D in the class, the dominant pessimistic side of me is chanting (and this is verbatim):  “That bitch is gonna give me a D.”  What is particularly irritating about this situation is not that he’s going to give me a shitty grade.  The irritating thing is that he likes the other groups projects who had shitty projects.  Shitty how?  Sure, they were presentable, somewhat good content from an objective standpoint.  But when you realize that all they did was use the professor’s stupid programs he showed us, and downloaded hours of YouTube videos of people playing a fucking video game, then using that to do their project, there’s not much to be impressed about.  On the contrary to my point of view and my project partner’s point of view, our professor seemed to very much like their projects.  What he didn’t seem to like was our project, that we spent more than 24 hours trying to do, using real-time data, and not utilizing the over-used software that the professor showed/”taught” us.  We used PHP and JavaScript to do our project and attempted to make something was wasn’t just a montage of hours of fucking video of a video game being played.  Let me go further with this.  They included in their shitty project, a 3-D model of a Mario World, world.  Since there’s no use in trying to hide what class this is, I might as well say it up front.  I’m talking about data visualization.  How the fuck is a 3-D model of Mario World (one small scene, mind you), a fucking data visualization.  And, this just seems to get better, how the hell is a picture of Mario Photoshopped to look like a human man data visualization?  My professor probably jizzed in his pants when that group was presenting their project.  Just because they used his stupid program, and in essence did EXACTLY the same thing he has done with one of his “data visualizations,” he likes their project more than our project.

I would like to stop there, but thankfully I don’t have school or homework to be doing, so I’m not going to stop there.  I think I’m due for an extremely long rant.  So to continue from me complaining about the other group’s shitty uncreative project, and my professor’s biased tendencies to like shit projects that used his shit software, my shit professor also feels he is an authority in web design, critiquing everyone’s web pages that were used to present our projects.  Yes, everything he said about other people’s website was true because they suck nuts at basic aesthetics of web design, it doesn’t mean my professor is in any means “good” or has a good eye for this stuff.  His website is crappier than mine.  Horizontal scrolling for your content?  Inconsistent fonts?  Poorly used font sizes?  Overall unpleasing layout?  Really?  You want to critique our websites?  That’s laughable.  What’s worse than his web page layout/design is his ability (or lack thereof, really) to lecture.  What are you saying?  What are you talking about?  Personally, I can sum up his lectures in no more than 3 minutes, and I’m assuming the worse.  He opens up a program, shows us some stupid examples he’s done, stumbles over how to get it to work, tries to explain its importance/relevance (which I’m assuming he tried to do), and then does this all over again for some other program.  One would assume this list of actions to be short.  That’s not the case.  He manages to drag out two software examples or something out for three hours.  I am honestly amazed how well he does that.  Bullshitting.  But wait, is it really bullshitting when most of what you’re talking about means nothing to the people you’re supposedly speaking to?  I don’t think so.  Perhaps it’s beyond the realm of bullshitting, and should be categorized as something else entirely.  Cuz at least with BSing, you make some kind of sense.  This motherfucker just talks and nobody knows what he’s talking about and most importantly doesn’t really give a damn.

Summing this up, if you’re still reading, I’m probably going to get a bad grade.  One reason is because my partner got help from his coworkers on the PHP and JavaScript stuff, but it ended up being to much work.  So he was over it.  Therefore the extra week our shit professor gave us to touch-up our project wasn’t really put to use.  So we’re turning in the “shit” project that we presented on Monday, that our stupid professor gave us three stars and two stars, out of four stars and four stars (for completion and quality).  And for some odd reason, he gave my partner three stars and three stars, but gave me the three stars and two stars.  What the fuck.  I hate that fucking bitch ass turd even more after that.  I’m gonna be mad if I get a C, but if he gives me a D (or even if I get the C and my partner gets a B, or I get a D and my partner gets a C, or any kind of permutation where I end up with a lower grade), then I’m going to go apeshit.  Not only do I need t0 pass this fucking class, but I need to pass this fucking class this fucking quarter or else I can’t fucking graduate.  To end, I shall append one of these seemingly in things nowadays for long posts such as these:

TL;DR – My professor is a fat, biased, cocky little bitch who sucks at teaching and web design, yet teaches a few of my classes and critiques his students’ web pages.  This turd will likely give me a shitty grade even though the other students’ unoriginal projects suck bigger wang than my project.

Too High, Can’t Come Down

I can’t complain enough about this quarter.  It’s so irritating with all this work that I’m constantly worrying.  The advice is to take breaks.  I do, but there’s that damn little thought parading around in my mind that I’m wasting time if I’m not either writing one of my many papers, working on one of my many final projects, or working on my application at work (like right now).  I primarily want very dearly to stop thinking about my papers so I can go back to writing them with an uncluttered mind.  But the gears don’t stop turning.  I’ve been revising the same stupid 3 pages the past few days that I managed to get myself up to 4 pages with extended descriptions and run-on-like sentences (who knew learning how to use those stupid punctuation marks in high school would be helpful).  But it still doesn’t help since I’m avoiding the inevitable of discusses my main argument.  I hope to god I don’t the same asshole TA I had from my other class to read my paper because it’s going to suck thanks to my professor’s inability to clearly explain essay prompts.

Right now it’s 8pm.  I’m still at work, but I’m not doing work related things.  I was writing my paper until I decided to post this.  And now I’m going to eat my dinner:  instant noodle.

I would like to finish this uninteresting post with a last uninteresting observation.  It’s almost December 31st again.  This just amazes me.  Just 11 months ago I was writing a post that recapped the year, and now another year is nearly done with.  I wrote some things I hoped to expect from 2009, but so far very few has/will happen.  I guess there’s still a month and a couple of days left though.  Something amazing might happen.

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I haven’t liked a song this much in a while.   It’s like it gets better and better everytime I hear it.  Normally for songs I like, there’s one or two things that don’t sit too well with me, but this is absolutely flawless in my opinion.  Nice intro, catchy verses, clean transition into the solo, nice buildup, perfect dual-lead sound with the second part of the solo (with three guitars even), then again with a clean transition to the outro riff with the bass playing those two notes right before the guitar fades out (although it’s not in the video above).  the only thing I’d dock points off for is that I wish the song was longer.  But I guess it’s a good thing they left me wanting more.

Additionally, I really recommend listening to Sky Blue Sky from start to finish.  It’s fantastic.  Maybe it’s because this was the first Wilco album I listened to, but I think this is way better than Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.  It’s been called “dad-music” which I guess I can see why since it’s definitely pretty mellow music.  But it’s still catchy and thoughtful with a good balance of guitar.

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if(expenditures>income){
….starve(self);
….healthyEatingHabit=false;
}
else{
….eatNormally(regularly);
….healthyEatingHabit=true;
}

So Help Me, I Don’t Know, I Might, Just Give the Old Dark Side a Try

I’m at that point again this quarter where I don’t quite have an unrealistic amount of work to do, but yet I’m extremely overwhelmed.   I haven’t tried undertaking so many classes and real work since my senior year of high school.  It worked out ok then, I hope I get the same results this time.  I only intend to only  ramble about my classes that should help me sort out my own thoughts, so truth be told, this post isn’t worth reading.

VIS158 – so far just reading.  One book is a fairly interesting read (so far anyways) and the other book with pictures is horrifically boring.  So far, only one week and one day behind in readings.

ICAM103 – stupid music class that’s just a bunch of physics.  Extremely behind in readings; problem sets due this Thursday.

VIS147a – a bunch of stupid reading.  Labs aren’t too bad and are interesting.  Reading for lab to be done by Wednesday, reading for class to be done by Thursday.  First project with throwies must be done by Wednesday?  Actually do the project Tuesday night.

Vis145b – so far nothing, thank god.

AIP197 – fill out the fucking forms.  Then when I know I’m actually enrolled, start?  What do I do first?  Just write?  Or find some research and show professor?  Must finish AT LEAST 10 pages before quarter’s up.

work – fix Cygwin, have boss look at code and help me out so I can actually work and not feel guilty about clocking hours, consolidate sites into their own class, fix animation, finish app, actually start phone app

If you’re still actually reading, I do actually have something interesting to catalog.  I went wine tasting in Solvang this weekend, which was really fun.  I noticed some really subtle differences in the wine at the first two/three wineries, then by the fourth one, I didn’t really care.  Some drama later that night, but whatever– it didn’t concern myself.  On our way up there, we stopped by a restaurant on State St. in Santa Barbara, and they had this really good pastry called kringles.  It was absolutely amazing.  I want some right now.

Brainstew

A list/rant of sorts to organize my thoughts that are concerning me at the moment.  Most seem to be good.

• Just got back from a roadtrip up and down California.
  • San Diego > Coto de Caza > Mammoth > around Yosemite > hicktowns/middle of nowhere around Fresno/Yosemite (North Fork, Auberry, etc.)  > Fresno > back into Yosemite (Vermilion Valley Resort) > Stockton > San Francisco > Stockton > Ojai > Coto de Caza > San Diego.
  • Miles traveled:  ~1400 miles.  Time driving:  ~15 hours the first day + ~13 hours driving back = ~28 hours
• My boss gave me a raise and offered to let me work during the school year with incredibly flexible hours.
  • Fill out independent study form thingy for upcoming quarter!!!
• I’m still keeping my old job too, but the pay is $6 less.  How do I split my time?
• My friend found a job and is a now a teacher.  Congratulations!  But my NY plans are canceled.
  • What to do for my week off?  I don’t want to just sit at home all day.
• Grad school plans?  I don’t know what I want.
  • GRE?  I know for sure NYU doesn’t need me to take it.  Not sure about other places.
  • App deadlines?
  • This website makes me want to go there because it’s exactly what I was expecting from my major now.

Nothing More Important Than to Know Someone’s Listening

What is wrong with everyone?

My personal rule of thumb is real life conversation etiquette applies online.  In truth, it’s not really a big deal.  Rejection, silence, no comments– nothing new there?  But when everyone starts doing this shit, it can really be annoying.  You wouldn’t start a conversation and just walk away without somehow terminating it with a phrase such as “hey, I have to go” or something of that nature.

And you would certainly not ignore a person who walks right up to you to talk.  If for whatever you’re not feeling chatty, I understand.  How do you deflect these attempts by someone else to start a conversation?  Simple:  you use your words.  “Can’t right now, I’ll talk to you later though” or “I’m busy” would suffice– and you don’t even have to say “sorry” or anything like that (at least not for me).  No questions asked.

What about if you’re talking to someone and they lead you to a topic you have nothing to talk about?  Would you just be completely silent?  Or would you throw in an interjection to try to keep the conversation somewhat going, even if it adds nothing to it?  This may be subject to some interpretation, but I choose the latter.  If I’m talking to someone who has taken the conversation to a dead end, I would at least acknowledge it rather than just let silence consume us (there’s some exceptions to this though, don’t get me wrong).  But that’s just me I guess.

And you would definitely not deflect someone’s question, answer another person’s question that was asked after the first person asked, then wait five or six days, then answer the first person’s question.  No, of course not.  That would be rude.

But yet, here we are, incapable of mastering the fundamentals of online communication, when in fact it’s identical to those in real life.  All a person really has to do is take those phrases I just said, depending on the situation, and paste it into the outgoing textbox.  As I said, it’s simple.  “But what’s the point?” you may be wondering.  Personally, I would just like to know that my message got through and that I didn’t piss you off or anything.  I can’t speak for everyone else and their friends, but I would appreciate some form of respect online.  Ignoring isn’t quite what I call respect.  Sure, I might be the problem.  But if that’s the case, you’re still ignoring me, and it won’t make me go away until you use your words like a grown up person.

But anyways, hey.  What’s up? [insert my lack of response to whatever you said] Doesn’t feel so good, does it?

And Yes I Am, Weary, Yes I Am

I’ve been at home for about 40 minutes now, and talked to my parents for about 1.  I really didn’t do much talking other than telling my dad to literally “Shut the hell up.”  In that one minute, they managed to piss me off.  How you might ask?  By giving me shit about the way I look.  Apparently losing weight means I’m starving myself.  Good fucking god that pisses me off.  “You better not starve yourself.”  Or “You should eat more.”  No I should not.  I don’t want a fucking gut anymore and I don’t want to be unhealthy getting sick all the time.  Fucking Asian parents need to read a fucking book, or a fitness magazine at that.  Obviously they know nothing of my eating habits; or that all I do all day is sit and eat.  It’s depressing.  So at the end of the day, what I do is try not to sit on my ass anymore and do something active.  Even if they did know this they would still bitch, bitch, bitch for me to eat more.  Them trying to stuff my face as a kid was what made me a fat ass in elementary and middle school.  Do I want to relive that unhealthy 15-minute-mile running life style?  No.  So please back the fuck off.  I know what I’m doing damnit.

And because I’ve been trying to run more lately, I’ve gotten a bit of a tan.  My mom goes on and makes a big deal about this about how I’m so dark and ugly now.  The two not directly correlating of course (she’s not that racist I think).  But ugly?  I went over this before, about how my mom has called me ugly.  What kind of parent who isn’t mentally ill calls their child ugly?  Frankly, it’s fucked up, even if the child is an adult.  As I was taking the abuse, I considered some comebacks that came to mind right away, but didn’t say anything.  I should’ve though.  “Well I got it from you (you old bat).”  But let’s not forget the saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  I suppose this doesn’t apply to mothers and fathers.

Then the other thing.  My mom still bitches about the length of my hair.  Well no shit it’s long.  What does she expect when someone doesn’t cut it?  She knows I’m going to get a haircut this weekend, so why the hell is she nagging and bitching and insulting me?  It’s absolutely obnoxious and annoying.  It’s not good for my mental health.  I bet they wonder why our relationship is so shaky at times:  it’s because all they like to do is nag and bitch about shit that should be personal to myself, ourselves, my sister and I.  I would love it for my dad to stop worrying about my finances when I’m perfectly fine with it all.  I’m not drowning in debt, I pay my credit card bills on time, I pay my rent on time, I’m not overspending on stupid shit.  Please just fuck off.

When they do shit like this, do they not realize that is why my sister and I want to be far away from home?  My sister wants to live close enough to visit on weekends and stuff sometimes, but I want to get the fuck away from them and their incessant nagging and bitching.  San Diego just doesn’t seem far away enough at times.

Maybe this is childish, but they can pretty much forget about using my new camera on their vacation.

I Will Work to Elevate You, Just Enough to Bring You Down

Summer has been uneventful, and I have nothing exciting to write about.  I’ll just talk about the minor things that go on in my life that are not really worth mentioning at all, but will do so anyways because I’m bored and have not posted anything in a while.

Today I go to the gym with my coworker.  The girl behind the counter scans my ID card, then I step to the side and wait for her to scan my friend’s ID card.  She then asks me in a confused voice if I was the one whose ID she just scanned and I tell her yes.  She scans it again and asks me if I’m enrolled for summer school at UCSD.  I tell her no and she tells me in an annoyed tone and raises her voice a little as to tell the rest of the people in line that I can’t go in cuz I didn’t pay for the recreation fee during the summer.   I ask her if I could just go in for today, and she shakes her head, and I took my ID card back and left.  I should’ve said “Well you don’t have to be a bitch about it” while I grabbed my ID card.  It’s not so weird that she wouldn’t let me in.  What IS weird is that I couldn’t get in TODAY.  Thursday, July 23.  It’s not a new week, a new month, or any type of first or last of anything.  I’ve been going to the gym the past few weeks and no one has said anything, so why now?  I’m confused, and will be going back to the gym again next week too.  Hopefully if the worst case scenario happens where the bitch is working the counter again, she won’t recognize me and I’ll tell her that I am enrolled in summer school.

An important life lesson:  never get your hopes up; nothing is set in stone.  People are flakes.  I recently made the mistake of getting excited about a trip and was informed that it may not be happening anymore.  Now I am disappointed not only that I may not be going, but because I actually got worked up over it and am now disappointed that I let myself get disappointed.  It’s disappointing.

Traffic Jam When You’re Already Late

At least one of the following three basic scenarios always seem to happen when I drive on the freeway.  It’s two lanes in the picture, but obviously this applies to more lanes as well; the concepts are the same.  If you drive like this, then you’re an asshole.

Scenario 1:  the box-in maneuver

What happens:  you’re in one lane and about to switch over to the empty lane next to you, but the car in front of you changes first.  You think they do that to go faster than the car in front of them, but they go the SAME SPEED maintaining the SAME DISTANCE as if they were in the lane they switched out of.  WHY?!  Now you have been boxed in.

Scenario 2:  the road-block

What happens:  two cars go the SAME SLOW SPEED  in the adjacent lanes thus not allowing cars to pass and causing major traffic.

Scenario 3:  the cut-off

What happens:  you’re driving at a good speed and leave a good amount of space between you and the car in front.  Suddenly the asshole from the lane next to you cuts you off and then goes SLOWER than what you were going.

Pro tip:  if you’re going slower than the traffic in that particular lane, don’t be an asshole and stay there.  Switch over a lane if the lane next to you is going the same speed you’re going.  And I can’t emphasize this enough:  stop being a nosy asshole and driving ass slow when you see an accident.  IT’S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN.  Unless you just witnessed a crazy accident and the people in that car need immediate help, don’t slow down to stare you busybody.