Untitled 06

September 26, 2007

School will officially start in a few hours.  But until then, I’m still worry free, as has been the past 5 days.  The campus seems the same as before I left, but the whole living situatuion feels a bit awkward.  I’ve yet to build a steady routine and the like.  And the people seem to be a whole lot different from last year.  Maybe that’s a good thing though.  A bit more social, I guess?  I think I’m confused on what I should be doing.  It’s weird when there’s not actually classes that take up your day.  Instead, I could be trying to talk to all the new people in my house.  Not usually my preference of doing things, but I think I’m improving over last year.  On the other hand, I could just go to my friends’ apartment and hang out with them– which I’ve been doing whenever there’s nothing to do here.  Thusly I spent most of my time at their place.  I guess I feel guilty for it.  And that I should be here trying to whore myself out to the new people.  Of course that’s not really how it is (but that’s exactly what it is for some), but if I do it, that’s how it seems.  When I forgot about that, I did get to do some stuff with my housemates.  I went to the beach and played some frisbee, I went to a couple of house dinners and met some really cool people, and even played guitar with them.  To my surprise, there are a lot of people who play this year, as opposed to the one or two that I knew of last year.

The 5 days of being worry free took a slight detour when my dad called an hour ago.  I was about to shower but then suddenly heard my cell phone ring.  For some reason, whenever I talk to him, I get so pissed off.  I know he called to see how I was doing, but whatever he said just made me so irritated and so I just responded with monotone “yes’s” and “no’s.”  Of course I feel guilty (even while I was doing it), but I swear I couldn’t help it.  It’s like he’s asked those questions so many times that they’ve become so redundant and maybe that’s what’s making me want to let a loud sigh of impatience into the phone.  But I just refrained from being completely disrespectful and only kept it at single word responses.  There’s just a chain of reactions from talking to my dad, it’s ridiculous.  First he irritates me with questions-some of which I have answered before, then I feel like a jerk for speaking to him in an impatient tone, then I get mad at my dad for making me feel like a jerk.  I cannot wait until I get past this “teen angst” stage and into one where we can talk without making each other feel bad.  Or at least just where I don’t make my dad feel bad.

I think I can manage to squeeze a good year out of this lemon.  I think after the crap that I experienced last year, I’ll know what to do and what not to do.  Studying early being one of them.  Yes.  Optimism being the other.


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