With A Circus Mind That’s Running Wild

October 20, 2007

I am not too fond of class, for the most part.  The curriculum isn’t so bad, but having to learn it is a rather painful experience.  But one thing that helps me get by–as shallow as this may sound–is to “check out” the girls in the class.  There usually aren’t any of them that stick out, but that’s not the case for my physics class.  I don’t know how to describe her but there seems to be something there that’s more than just looks.  She’s studious, apparently has really neat handwriting, seems modest but at the same time, has this unassuming confidence, and wears glasses (yes, I am one of those who think that women are more attractive with glasses on).  But of course, I may or may not be very accurate with these assumptions, considering I don’t know her at all and that these are my opinions.  If I am correct though and she is what I think she is, I really need to lower my standards or something; I don’t even know why they’re so high to begin with since I’m not so attractive myself (but I don’t think I’m hideous either).  Or, I could just hope for the best and stick with the way I look at the world.

Another thing I’m not too fond of besides sitting in class is studying.  I realize that no one actually likes studying, but at least when they do it, something good comes out of it.  I study and then feel comfortable with the material, I go to class to take my midterm/test/quiz, and then I don’t remember anything.  I can literally pinpoint the exact moment when my mind goes blank- right after I read the question.  Or perhaps, it was never really there to begin with.  I tell myself to skip it and proceed to the next problem, but by that time, nearly all my recollection of what I studied has vanished except for the image of my homework I was doing.  But, since I don’t have photographic memory, the things that I write down are unclear and blurry, so I can’t make out what I was doing.  All hell breaks loose in my mind.  I start to panic and worry.  I look up and then everyone is scribbling away like they invented the tested material while I sit there staring at them with disgust.  Sadly, there is little deviation from this systematic process every time I take any test.  When will something useful stick in my mind?

Other than that, I’m enjoying my time here.  I found a steady rhythm in everything so far, including failure.  It seems that may be the steadiest of all of them.  I have found some extra-curricular activites that help ease the tension here, though:  Nerf guns, acrobatic/gymnastic excersices, meaningless conversations, music exploration, exploration in general, and some other small things.  I hope to do them all.

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