This is a Wasteland Now

June 22, 2008

Post-rant caveat:  I would’ve deleted this, but I felt like I’d be wasting a good blind uninhibited blog post, poor grammar and all.  Nothing should be over-analyzed or taken to heart.

I haven’t really experienced what the other side of being alone is all about, until tonight.  This certain predicament that I would assume I’d be used to by now has hit me another way.  Perhaps it was because the last time something this drastic happened, I was much more younger, and my sister was here too, so I wasn’t alone.  But now that stuff like growing-up happened, everything’s not so close together.  Tonight I finally realized completely the downside of having only a few close friends–them being busy… all at once, actually.  It’s absolutely wrong of me to be mad at any of them for not being available whenever I need them to be, but given the circumstances, I am.  I can’t help but to think this.  I could be out and away from this rotten hell hole, but the sad truth is, I’m stuck here, complaining and bitching on my blog, because there’s no where else to go.  You’re probably asking why I didn’t just leave, and there’s a valid answer.  My stupid parents blocked the door, and also I would not have had anywhere to go.  I’m sick of this place already.  I’m sick of them.  Anyways, I’m losing focus.  Back to the matter at hand.  I’m angry.  At who?  My friends?  My parents?  Myself?  Sadly, I’d say all of the above.  There’s no real logical reason why I should be mad at my friends, as I’ve said before.  It is what it is, but it’s not like I’m going to hold it against them.  The fact is, is I’m more mad at myself for getting mad at my friends, who obviously did nothing wrong.  But I guess I feel this way because it’s as though they’re just another outlet for all this negative energy I have for what’s going on.  I can’t tell my parents about this stuff; it’s not like they give a shit about what I say; they’re hypocritical, stubborn, and annoying.  Talking to them would only be fanning the flames.

I blindly wrote whatever came to mind up there so I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, and I don’t care to read it again to find out.  I’m not sure what the tone is like, but I hope whoever reads this don’t take whatever I said the wrong way.  I’m also not sure why I even cared to write all this bullshit, for it would have probably be best to be left unsaid.  But it just happened, and it gave me something to do, sadly enough.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: