Won’t Get Fooled Again

May 1, 2010

There was a moment this week when everything seemed like it was going my way and I was feeling pretty optimistic.  I had to tell myself that I better tone down the positive thoughts, cuz it’s going to suck when that inevitable horrible stroke of bad luck finally strikes.  And struck it did.  Despite anticipating the rejection, it’s a pretty crushing feeling reading it as text.  Text that is completely impersonal and generic in the strongest sense of the word.  Basically, “Hi Wilson, you were so unimpressive and unrespectable that we won’t even bother typing out a full email, and will just put your email into a computer and send you a generic rejection email on a Saturday.  Good luck with finding a job, loser.”  On top of that, I feel like such a disappointment when I have to break the news to people I’ve told about my big chance to do something relevant to my career interests.  Next time a chance like this pops up, I’m not going to tell anyone–like I should have done this time.  The heartbreaking part is that there were only three other candidates for my position according to the interviewer.  And unless they were going for strictly a graphic designer, then I must have been extremely unimpressive because my “work” is totally relevant to the job position, and I don’t know any other vis art student who is even interested in interaction design.  I suppose I should be proud that I at least made it to the interview portion.  Though second place is still not first.

If I can’t even get an internship that’s similar, if not exactly, what I want to do full time, my thought that I probably can’t land a full time job doing interaction design is heavily reinforced.  It seems I’m doomed to the same path that my cousin involuntarily followed:  unable to find a job, living at home, and inevitably working a job that has no interest to her whatsoever.  Sadly, I won’t be able to confidently speak of my sweet job I got right out of school to my aunts and uncles, and rub it in their faces that their kids aren’t hot shit–which I’ve been waiting so many years to do on behalf of my parents.  I need to go to grad school as soon as I can; I think that is the clear path to take.  All this junk I’ve learned in my undergrad career is unimpressive and irrelevant.  But grad school requires money, and more importantly, experience.  But for money and experience, I need a job that will pay me to learn.  My plans of finding a job, getting my own place, and buying a drum set is vanishing.  This is so depressing to think that I’m so depressed on something I partially anticipated.

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