Something Diabolical

May 25, 2010

Story time!

I was sitting in the parking lot, next to where the stairs are to wait for someone to come and leave as usual.  When someone comes up the stairs and walks by my car, I very politely ask, “Excuse me, are you leaving?”  And typically, people are very nice about it and empathize with the parking problem that all us undergrads face, and usually just say, “No, sorry!”  And the worst it ever gets is just an unenthusiastic “no.”  But today, this lady–who I will call “Bitch”  from this point forward–walks by and I ask her the same question:  “Excuse me, are you leaving?”  No response.  “Is she ignoring me?” I ask myself.  I ask her again, a little louder as to make sure Bitch knows I’m asking her.  “Excuse me!  Are you leaving an S spot?”

Then, to my surprise, Bitch turns around and starts going off on me.  Her words as far as I can recall were “NO!  I’m NOT leaving an S spot!  And another thing, you’re parked in a very bad spot and it’s gonna cause a lot of accidents.  I’ve seen a lot of accidents happen because of where you’re parked.  Cars aren’t going to be able get by.”  And yadda yadda.  Oh my fucking god.  I was so shocked and taken by surprised that I couldn’t think of how to respond to this situation.  Bitch was seriously probably on her fucking rag, or she couldn’t get laid last night or something.  Holy shit.  In my mind, I wanted to do something more than stare at her with a look of shock, but I couldn’t think of anything while she was scalding me.  To this moment, I’m not sure how to properly respond, particularly because there are so many things I wanted to say, such as it’s the drivers’ fault if they get into a fucking accident because it’s perfectly safe to turn the corner if they’re not driving like a dipshit.  I wanted to argue with her.  I wanted to cuss her out.  I wanted to flip her off and then roll up the windows.  Too many things I wanted to do.

I just feel so much rage and anger when I think of what happened.  Enough rage and anger that I wanted to (and still do more than ever) run her over with my car.  Violence is never the answer, but it would have been nice to have had a gun and scream, “Whatchu say bitch?  Check yo’ self!” and then fire a few shots to scare the crap out of her.  Bitch is seriously lucky I didn’t see what car she drives because, yes, you guessed it, I would have keyed the mother fucking shit out of her car.  And maybe even break something.  Seriously though, what the fuck was this bitch’s problem?  I wouldn’t have to fucking park there waiting if the fucking asshole school made more S spots, you dumb bitch.  Fuck you and your B spot you cheap whore.  I hope you rot in hell.  All you had to say was “no.”  I swear that if I ever see you again in the parking lot, I’m going to follow you and see what car you drive and pretty much fuck it up so that it ruins your day, like you pretty much ruined mine.  Again, if I didn’t make this clear, I hope you die, you stupid bitch.

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