If It’s Not With You

July 20, 2011

One of the many things that I am very uncertain about is how much longer I will remain single.  At the tender age of 23, I have yet to be in a romantic relationship.  According to most everyone I have had the honor of speaking to regarding my single life, I have yet to experience the ups and downs of a being with someone I care about–with someone who cares about me.  I’m still oblivious to experiencing the good and the bad (of all facets of a relationship), and don’t know what it’s like to spend time with that special person.  While I most certainly can’t disagree that those statements are semantically true, conceptually, I disagree.
What has contributed to my singleness also happens to be why I feel so confident:  I know exactly what kind of personality/characteristics I don’t want (or do want, you can look at it however you’d like).  This sounds a bit terribly pompous.  But it’s really the opposite.  A girl’s personality is something I absolutely cannot and will not forcibly change.  The way I see it, if I get into a relationship with a girl who can’t take a joke or is incredibly jealous or suspicious (for no good reason), but is damn near perfect otherwise (or any other personality traits I don’t agree with), then there’s really no point in this relationship other than being with a trophy of sorts–just there for looks but doesn’t actually do anything for you.  The time that I spend with her will be filled with mental acrobatics of dancing around what I really want to say.  I won’t be happy.  She won’t be happy.  Do I want to try and change and tone down my crude and often immature humor?  No.  Would I want to change her so she’d stop being a prude with a stick up her ass?  Well, sure.  But that’s not my job and I wouldn’t want to change her to be something I want if that’s not really her.  If this trait is something embedded deep into their personality and is unwavering, then I can’t see myself being really happy in that relationship, which will probably make me go crazy and then she wouldn’t be happy either if she wasn’t unhappy already.
This isn’t to say that I demand perfection (even though I kind of do).  There are certain things that are simply non-negotiable.  It’s just that my list of those non-negotiable things is probably longer than most.  But what these things provide for me is a way to tell that neither of us will be dealing with an unreasonable person.  It’s a way I’ve been sorting out what I don’t want from watching others play through their relationships, and analyzing root causes that actualize terrible and unfavorable situations I have seen.  I’ve taken most of my non-negotiable things from viewing the relationship my parents share.  It’s probably safe to say that I could base my whole search of a girlfriend off of what I’ve learned from watching my parents interact with each other, and end up in a better relationship than most people.
I’ve recently grown more comfortable with the fact that I’ve been single my whole life.  It’s something I’m sort of proud of.  There were some instances (few, but instances nonetheless) where I could have went ahead and gotten into a relationship, but decided against it.  There was a quote I’ve heard once before about how a relationship should supplement your happiness or something along those lines, and not be the source of it.  I’ve had a sense of what it meant and really tried to live by it.  But it’s not really until now that I’m starting to really feel what that means.  I’m happy enough where I am; my heterogeneous group of friends provides me with an adequate amount of attention and affection.  If I meet a girl who is awesome, then she will be the frosting on the proverbial cake (could have ended with a dirty joke, but I’ll leave it out).

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