I’m Sailing Away

August 18, 2011

It’s been about a week since I suspended my Facebook account. Sadly, even now at a week later, I still get the urge to log in and look through the newsfeed. I think it may be more out of habit than the actual craving of going on there, though. It was always one of those go-to kind of things, where I’d take a break from whatever I’d be doing and- through muscle memory of hitting the right keys on the keyboard- I’d find myself looking at the same shit I read five minutes ago on my last break. In a way it was soothing, probably like snorting a line of coke off of a hot girl’s breasts or something. But it was also kind of pathetic, like snorting a line of coke (the hot girl bit isn’t all that pathetic). Truth be told, it was actually very pathetic. It wasn’t like I had so many friends that I’d see new news every time I went to the home page, which would make my going on there religiously seem more logical. And the fact that I blocked a good amount of people from my feed who were constantly creating and allowing stupid shit to show up in my feed made the frequency of a new post even more low. Why was I even on there?

I felt like I was stalking people more than I actually used it to keep in touch with people, and it made me kind of depressed. What was most depressing was that probably because I didn’t whore myself out and write on everyone’s wall and spam my own page with my own stupid thoughts in status updates, my page was pretty empty. Seeing all those posts of random thoughts and things from people who must think what they’re posting is so enlightening and important just made me roll my eyes even more. I mean, not all posts are like that. After a while though, it just seems like everyone is trying to be an authority figure in something and trying to seek some attention and acknowledgment about it, wherein others would like their posts and write comments on how much truth is in their post, or how funny it is, or whatever the purpose is. I could never get myself to fully succumb to that level of commitment, and so I suppose this is just me being bitter about it. Well, I could’ve succumbed to it; I guess I meant that I didn’t want to for fear of being a complete hypocrite.

Aside from seeing the occasional stream of useless and uninteresting posts from people I know, I felt I should completely remove any temptation to look at people’s profiles who… interest me. It’s usually not a crush (though the most recent case can be classified as such), but usually just a casual interest in certain people. It’s usually after some disturbing number (maybe, like, 5 consistent visits a week? not really all that disturbing) of visits to a person’s page does this interest evolve into a crush. I figure if I remove this factor, future instances of this pathetic behavior will no longer exist. Or will, at most, arise under more socially acceptable circumstances. In the past, the cure to these things have been to go cold-turkey. And in the future, cold-turkey I shall go.

But really though: how long am I really going to be off of Facebook? The sad reality of it all is that I may very well be on there in a month or two after boredom has bludgeoned me into a lifeless pile of skin and bones from the lack of “social” interaction (interaction as in reading blurbs about other people’s lives). Still, there may be some hope of me not returning. Do I really want to go back to noticing how unpopular I am on Facebook (which is probably a decently accurate reflection of real life)? Or sift through news of others’ lives about insignificant things going on and wonder why I’m reading it when I don’t actually care? Probably not. I hope that the shame of my unpopularity, in conjunction to all the time I’m saving from not wasting it on Facebook, will still outweigh my psychologically addicting need to look through my news feed and stalk people, and perhaps push me to do more productive things instead.

note:  After proofreading, I realize I sound like I hate my friends.  That’s not the case.  I love everyone (even the really annoying ones) that were friends with me on Facebook, but gat-dang I wish they would stop posting so much shit.


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