Nobody’s Waiting For Me, on the Other Side

September 22, 2011

Work is such an up and down ride.  Most days are mindless and forgettable.  And then some days are utter shit where I want to quit and write a nice email to everyone I work with that basically says:  “Fuck you all, your politics, and your incompetence.”  Whereas other days are fine and dandy, and everything goes smoothly.  Lately it has been the first two.  With things like mindlessness, an unenthusiastic work force, incompetence, politics, and overall douchbaggery, it’s bound to make people restless and unsatisfied- particularly me.  I brought up the idea of forming a usability team to a couple of managers in my department, and while it didn’t go as planned, it looks like there’s technically going to be a usability team in which I am a part of.  I was thinking more of a dedicated team removed from any other business.  But what ended up happening is three managers and I forming the whole of this team that is, at this point, unofficial in that we’re kind of a covert “SWAT team” kind of deal that the director and VP don’t know about.  As far as how/what tests will be run, I guess we still need to work that out depending on our company’s annual operation plan.  Right now it doesn’t look like I have much use in this, but I’m hoping that when we figure out what we can test, then I can step up and take that over, eventually working my way into managing that group.  In the meantime, I’m also considering trying to join the dev team.  They seem to be somewhat desperate for help that (from what someone told me) a few of the developers wouldn’t mind having me on their team.  If it means more pay and something more challenging that isn’t challenging me by seeing how much shit I can juggle at once, then I am all for it.

Other than that, while I sit there at work starting at my monitors for hours at a time wishing the time would fly by quicker, I’ve been thinking more about my trip to Italy.  I haven’t bought my airfare yet, but I’ve crunched some numbers and I’m pretty sure I can squeeze a 13 day trip out of $2500.  Of course, two of those days will be dedicated to flying.  I’m a bit nervous about going alone, but I’m mostly excited.  I’ve been reading more and more about other people backpacking alone through Europe and I haven’t heard anyone recommend to anyone else that they shouldn’t do it (other than my mom; but even then she’s just doubtful and being negative but didn’t actually say not to).  This will be a vacation in the truest sense of the word for me.  With what is going on in my life at this point (and by that I mean monotony and repetition of literally sitting in a cubicle from 9 to 5 or 6), I need to vacate this state, this country, this comfortable life and comforting people in it, this role of robot with no personality, and do something more adventurous to give me something I can look back at as a milestone.  I wouldn’t want to think back and wonder what I did when I was in my early 20s.  I already forgot what happened last year as it is.

The idea of packing a few shirts and a few pairs of pants is delightful.  I want to go with my one luggage/backpack that I have, but I doubt I will/can pack that light, but I will definitely try.  Considering how it’ll be in the 40s and 50s, my bag’ll probably be stuffed mostly with jackets.  I also bought a Moleskine notebook recently because my sketchbook is starting to run out of pages.  I haven’t written in it yet, so I think I’ll save it for my little journey abroad to doodle, document, and reflect upon the happenings while abroad.  I know I like being alone, but this trip should really test how good I am at it if I don’t meet anyone at all.  I honestly doubt that will happen, but who knows what may happen.  As they’d probably say, though, that’s all part of the adventure.  I’m considering doing a more extensive backpacking trip next year or two through other parts of Europe.  Alone or with friends is uncertain, but if I get the feeling for doing it alone on this trip, then doing it again won’t be a problem.

I was talking to my sister about how work life is so boring and she told me that I have to plan trips and stuff to give myself something to work towards.  How sad but true.  I’m restless, she’s restless, everyone of my coworkers I talked to at dinner today is restless.  Pretty much everyone in the department is unhappy.  It’s really quite depressing thinking about it.

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