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October 5, 2011

I was hanging out with my friend just this past Saturday, and while standing in a few lines for some rides, I noticed there was a lot of silence in between our few conversations.  This kind of intensified a thought that I really have nothing to talk about with my friends (or strangers, really) these days.  It used to seem like I was able to hold decently long conversations in the past, but now I feel like all I do is listen even more than before.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  But what happens when they’re through talking and I’ve exhausted my replies to their talking?  Silence, that’s what.  Then while we stood there some more, I thought about what I used to talk to with my other friends, and then realized that gossiping and occasional trash talking was a decent chunk of my conversation topics.  Not necessarily bashing other people, but more of a venting session.  Since I’ve tried exceptionally hard to do away with speaking ill-will of others, my conversations with others have been rather lackluster.

Perhaps the problem lies within my own strictly created filter.  For the most part, if it I can go without having to say it, I won’t say anything that is even remotely resembling something negative about other people (mostly people I or they know, personally or otherwise).  Maybe I’m noticing this filter more, but it seems to be getting more and more strict, which leaves out a lot of conversation connectors.  I guess I feel having a deep conversation about another person’s follies isn’t worth tarnishing that person’s reputation even further.  But of course, sometimes I couldn’t really give .133 of a small shit, and I’ll go ahead a bash and mangle, typically to get a point across in regards to a larger matter.  I often feel guilty afterwards, just so you know.

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