I Jumped in the River, What Did I See?

November 21, 2011

I’m beginning to feel like I’m starting to drift past the border of contained euphoria, into constant mindlessness.  There will be no more recreational usage until at least March when the new year starts.  Until January rolls around though, no use trying to fight the clear slump of stupidity and spacing-out I’m falling into.  There actually is a lot of “use” to try and fight this, but A. I’m slightly OCD and would rather just start when the year starts, and B. I still want to get it out of my system (pun completely intended).

It’s not at all unusual for me to space out all the time, and I’m actually very used to it.  So much so, I kind of know what to anticipate in terms of thought process and physical sensation.  But lately, I’ve been finding myself really, really spacing out at random times.  I liken the sensation to a deep meditative state, or the feeling you get when you’re just about to step over from fully awake to fully asleep, right on the cusp of losing consciousness.  Clearly this is not good because this happens a lot at work and in meetings at work where I should probably be paying attention, and while I’m driving.  The driving bit scares me the most since I kind of let it happen.  Just yesterday, I could totally tell my reaction time was like a geriatric trying to play Whack-A-Mole.  Of course it didn’t help that I was driving home in the rain, at night, in stop and go traffic, with Radiohead’s Pyramid Song playing in the background.  I probably came about a foot and a half between the car in front of me for about 5 minutes before I snapped out of it and traffic started moving again.

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