What You Once Were Isn’t What You Want to Be Anymore

February 3, 2012

Not to sound like I’m trying to be modest, but that company I interviewed with is still actually interested in me.  After the lady asked me to send more samples of my work in, I was 95% sure that I was toast because not only did I not send her a thank you email in a timely manner before she sent me one, but the shit I sent her was basically scraps.  Scraps that I literally had to touch up and make presentable in an hour or so after I got home from work, just so she would think that it was actual work of substance.  After not hearing back from her for about a week or so, I assumed I got rejected and moved on with my life.  In a way I was kind of happy because I no longer had to make the decision of whether to keep at trying to get the position or not; they made it for me, and the decision was no, or so I thought.  Anyways, I got an email from her asking me if I had any thoughts on when I would want to leave my current company, and if I’m still interested in the position.  If so, she wants me to go in an interview with the Director of IT at their company.  There’s really only 2 reasons why they’re still interested:  1. I’m actually a good fit, or the closest fit to what they want, or 2. they didn’t bother looking beyond me.  My guess is 2, but if for some reason it’s legitimately 1, then I’m not sure they’re making the right choice.

As I mentioned in my other post, they let go of their original in-house creative team and went on to a creative agency instead, which they have now.  But even now, they’re unsatisfied with their agency’s work, and want to hire someone in-house to do the work full time.  I can’t take that kind of pressure.  I’m pretty certain I can do a decent job were I to actually go through with this second interview and get the job, but I’m afraid they’re looking for someone much more qualified than I am to do a jaw-dropping job.  If an agency–an actual business whose primary focus is to design shit for other companies, and who has multiple people at their disposal to work on a project–can’t please these people, how the hell am I supposed to do that?  I made a pro/con list at work in an attempt to quickly figure out my decision so I don’t waste this company’s time, but all it did was make me more unsure.  Here’s my list, verbatim as it’s written.


  1. experience/job title
  2. more $$
  3. won’t have to work on portfolio for a while
  4. a mix of design, UI, & UX
  5. potentially the only company willing to hire me
  6. possible creative freedom
  7. independence of living alone
  8. gotta start somewhere


  1. depressing office
  2. old coworkers
  3. unstable (potentially)
  4. small company
  5. having to move to SD -> worse social life??
  6. grossly under-qualified to head entire creative team
  7. only person on the creative team for the foreseeable future
  8. going from recognizable Brand/company to a small company

Most of the no’s are cosmetic, I’ll admit, and shouldn’t really influence my decision that much.  But number 3 on the list, along with 6 and 7 on the no list are huge.  In a nutshell, this is a question of risk, and whether or not I’m willing to take it.  And also in a nutshell, I want to say, “yes.”  But then the rest of the numbers on the no list come into play.  I’m already miserable at my current company, but this place is like a fuckin’ carnival compared to the company in San Diego.  Am I really willing to sacrifice my mental happiness for more money and a relevant job?  Probably.  But then I think of my friend who was also looking for a job a few years ago.  She applied and got offered a job at some small company but ultimately declined under the discretion of her parents.  A month or so later, she ended up working at a much bigger and better company.  Seeing as how I told her to take her initial offer, the lesson of that story stuck with me even more since it could’ve been me in that position:  don’t pull the trigger prematurely, and make sure you really want the job.  Do I really want this job?  I don’t think I can say that…


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