Hey! Been Trying to Meet You

May 26, 2012

I keep looking back to this one night a few weeks ago when a friend and I went to a bar in Downtown LA where we were pressuring each other to approach various girls there.  Skipping over details, we eventually headed to the other side of the bar, and I jumped in and started dancing (not really dancing–more like moving awkwardly) with a girl.  I suppose it was “successful” to a certain extent since I think she acknowledged my presence and continued dancing, but eventually walked off.  While I was mid-dance with this girl, my friend was dancing in place by himself a few steps behind me, with a grin on his face, apparently happy that I approached this girl.  I told him to come and dance with her friend but he hesitated.  When she walked away, I was annoyed.  Not annoyed that she walked away (since that move has happened pretty much all but one time I’ve gone up to a girl and danced), but at my friend.  I was fed up with his excuses.  The whole night was a bunch of, “A few more drinks, man, and then I’ll be good to go.”  And when he wouldn’t admit that he bitched out on backing me up after initiating contact with that girl after having said, “you go up to them first and I’ll join” in regards to the different girls we were pointing out the whole night, I had enough.  I left the bar and went to my car and slept while he stayed in there.  Apparently he finally reached “good to go” and talked to some girls.  This scenario raised a few points for me to think about:

1.  Don’t say you’re going to do something if you’re not going to do it.
2.  Don’t tell me to be patient and just “let it happen.”

In regards to number one:  don’t do it.  Don’t tell me X is going to happen, and then allow it to not happen.  If I trust you enough, I’m going to take your word for it.  That goes for everything big like a huge favor, to something small like calling me back.  When this happens on several occasions, I no longer trust you and will henceforth assume everything you say you’ll do is bullshit.  If I lose faith in someone’s word, I think that’s a big deal.  But, perhaps people don’t value this as much as I do.  Every time I tell someone I’m going to do something, I mean it, and will provide clear warnings if I’m uncertain that I can pull it off.  Otherwise I won’t say I’ll do something just to please someone momentarily.  Just don’t say it.  I don’t know about other people, but I’m not going to be mad.  I will not waste your time and get your hopes up, because it’s a shitty feeling when that happens.  I would never want anyone important to me to think, “Oh, he said he’ll do that but I know he won’t.  He’s all talk.”

Ah, number two.  You’re going to tell me–me–that I need to be patient, let it happen, and just have a good time?  What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing all this time I’ve been single?  I sure as hell haven’t been rubbing my nuts on everyone, so let’s just cool it with that advice.  I understand the truth to that advice, though.  I really do.  But that advice only takes you so far.  At some point you’re going have to commit, or be a bitch.  I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been a bitch.  Shit ain’t gonna change over night.  But I’m going to have to put some effort in because unfortunately, I’m not white, I don’t have a beard, I don’t look like a model, nor am I conversationally adept as my blogging skillz might lead you to believe.  In the meantime, however, I’m not going to say that I’m going to commit and then not do it.  Because if I did that, then that would just make me a bigger bitch than if I were to have just been a bitch.  Don’t be a bitch.  That’s the goal, everyone.

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