You Show the Lights That Stop Me Turn To Stone

November 28, 2012

I’m a little uncertain of where I should start this post, since I started typing this on a whim; I felt an update was in order.  Since my last post, a few things have happened.  In keeping with tradition under such confused and unorganized situations, I’ll be listing out my thoughts.

• I went skydiving a few weeks ago.  That was somethin’ else.  I was mentally calm and very giddy putting on my gear, all the way up to kneeling at the door on the airplane.  I was very much ready to jump while I was kneeling at the door with the professional strapped to my back.  As he was rocking back and forth, counting to three to jump out of the plane, I was doing it that with him.  When he finally counted to three and pushed outwards towards the abyss, so did I.  I think it was about 5 seconds or so after I left the airplane that I don’t really remember what happened.  I blacked out, for a lack of a better description.  I was conscious, but don’t remember the feeling much.  Then, after about 5 seconds, I jarringly came to my senses when I started having trouble breathing.  I honestly don’t think it was out of panic from the freefall, but who am I to argue with what happened.  Regardless, the frigid air was rushing into my face as I was plummeting towards earth, and I was struggling to breathe.  At the same time I was freaking out because I was very short of breath, I was coming to grips with the sheer helplessness I was feeling with having absolutely nothing to grasp or hang on to.  After a few more seconds of freefall, I eventually begin to very slowly catch my breath.  At that point, the guy signals that he’s going to pull the chute, and then it becomes a much better ride after that.  I should note that the air was very cold because my friends and I waited for about 3 or 4 hours until the clouds cleared out enough for us to jump.  We were on the verge of having to come back another day, but luckily we waited.  Not sure if I’d do it again any time soon, but I’d probably do it again one day.
• My work moved to a new office building, so that was pretty cool.  Although I disliked the old office, there was definitely some charm that this new one doesn’t quite have yet.  It’s definitely making progress though.  We also have balconies now!  It’s only a second floor balcony, that faces the parking lot/street, but it’s nice to be able to take my chair out there and work for a little bit; or walk outside for a few minutes to clear my head after staring at boxes on my monitors for hours on end.  Also, what’s nice about this office is that there are four restrooms.  Yep.  Our old place only had one.  I don’t have to tell you how much that situation can suck.  The new office definitely has a more agency kind of feel to it than before.
• I go through these phases at work where I’m indifferent to it, and then other times I absolutely love it.  I’m typically indifferent when my boss doesn’t assign me concrete assignments.  When that happens, I don’t really know exactly what I’m supposed to do, so I feel like I waste a lot of time on what could potentially be a simple task.  But as I’m starting to find out, I don’t think she really ever questions how long I take to work, nor does she have the time to particularly care.  This past week, I’ve been doing mostly ideation stuff, so there’s not a whole lot of deliverables to hand over to show my progress.  This bothers me.  I suppose I’m just still used to hitting goals and milestones with something sort of polished and finished to show–shit that school and my old job crammed down my throat.  Not very used to documenting my thoughts as something clients pay us for.  Definitely very awesome, and something I want, but unusual nonetheless.  Still, sometimes I do feel kind of useless because I don’t feel particularly stressed out.  Meanwhile my boss is trying to juggle 5 million things at once and has to attend 20 million different meetings a day, and then springs assignments on me that I don’t know much about because I wasn’t in those meetings, or weren’t there for the pitches and kick-off meetings to know exactly what the new assignment/project is about.
• I’m slowly starting to book crucial parts of my trip.  As of late, my accommodations are booked up until Amsterdam, as well as my transportation.  The second leg of my trip is still up in the air.  My friend I met last year sounds like she might actually make it to Amsterdam.  I’m not sure yet.  Sounds like she’s considering it, but isn’t sure herself because of stuff she has going on or whatever.  But, if she doesn’t meet me in Amsterdam, she said she’s pretty sure she’ll be in London when I’m thinking about stopping by.  Stoked!  My main concerns are still transportation to England from Amsterdam, transportation around England, and transportation from England back to Dusseldorf for my flight back home.  Actually, it’s not so much the transportation as it is how long the transportation might take.  I am almost too scared (but mostly too lazy) to research the second leg of my trip, but I will need to soon.  This trip is already costing me more than I’m hoping for, but I guess it’s because I’m booking all my transportation in advance and tracking my entire accommodation costs up front.  I can see this trip costing around 4 or 5 grand depending on how careless I am with my money this time around.


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