Here I Am As Before Again

May 1, 2013

I had this whole post written out about why the sight and sound of my boss is starting to anger me.  It was detailed and verbose.  But after some consideration, that post can be boiled down to something short and concise:  I fucking hate being considered second string, especially when the person who considers me second string is my boss.

Today, I finished up some edits to a document and sent her the file for her to look at around noon.  No immediate response regarding approval.  Hours later, no response at all.  I end up asking her if I need to change anything around 5:30pm, and it turns out there are a few edits.  I finish them up around 6:30pm, and then ask her to please confirm that it’s approved.  No response for 10 minutes.  I follow up.  She lays a bunch of edits and changes on me.  The point here is that the only day that I fucking want to leave on time, she has me stay late.  And not because of last minute work, but because of her putting me on the back burner.  I sent her the fucking file around noon, for christ-fucking-sakes.  I understand that she has other shit to do– which is why I’ve accepted that I’d only interact with her when I have work related questions.  And even then I mull over my question for a bit to see if I can work it out without her help.  But yet, here I am, getting the least bit of fucking attention.  It honestly infuriates me when she makes me an afterthought, even with how little I try to make her ration out her time to me.  It sounds–and I feel like–I’m being an attention whore.  But I have to tell myself that that isn’t so.  To be that, I’d at least have to have some semblance of attention given to me.  Everytime I talk to her, all I get is the feeling that she just wants me to get out of her office so she can get back to work.  And yet, when someone else goes in to talk to her about stupid shit, I hear her laugh and talk up a fucking storm with them.  Is it wrong for me to want to feel like I’m worth something at my place of work?  Perhaps.

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