This Can’t Be Living Now

June 5, 2013

I had sent my boss an email about two Fridays ago and have been hoping she’d reply before I log this one in an official post, but I suppose I should stop waiting and just do it before I lose my thoughts on the matter.

The email I sent her was regarding why I have been unhappy at work. Little did I know, there is a way to describe my disdain for work without completely blaming my boss for my misery. I essentially wrote it in a somewhat conversational tone–since that was the only way I know how to sound sincere and nonabrasive–that I’ve essentially been feeling left out and useless because she controls all the projects and doesn’t have time to give me direction. She seems to be fine with my email, first acknowledging it in passing on AIM, saying she “truly appreciates” it and that she was writing a reply. But after a week, I ended up just asking her directly if she’s “cool with it” because I couldn’t take the uncertainty anymore. She is “cool with it” and apologized for not sending it over the weekend (probably because she was too busy, hah), and that she’s looking for ways to give me more responsibilities. That was a relief despite having already thought she would say something like that. I haven’t really seen all that much change so far, but I’ve been happier at work. I suppose it just happened to be a coincidence that we got a lot more incoming projects, and that my boss became less busy the week following my email, so I will have to wait a bit to see where I stand. Through all this, it’s nice for me to realize that a big part of my poor attitude was because I was bored and didn’t feel challenged. Things were looking up for a few days when things got a little chaotic, but I think I may be getting back into that slump. I’m hopeful, but still wary that I will inevitably jump ship. I’ve been working on my resume, and will need to do redo my portfolio next so I won’t be so unprepared when September rolls around and they don’t give me a raise.

On a non-work related subject, I spent my birthday weekend in Portland. Portland was amazing. I’m sure the perfect weather helped a lot, but the city itself was still great. The city planning, layout, and architecture, the vibe, and people, the food, the food prices– it was everything LA cannot be (except for maybe the food, but not the food prices). I would love to move there and am entertaining the thought of looking for a job there next. New York City would be fun, too, but it’s definitely not quaint like Portland. I felt pretty safe there. After all, the most threatening conversation I overheard was some white teenage kid telling some guy, “So I got up, looked him in the eyes and said, ‘I’m not gonna do that.’ So I put down my trombone-” That was the extent of the conversation until I mentally broke out in laughter.

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