Could It Be That It’s the Season of the Shark?

August 31, 2013

I’m not exactly thrilled about work right now. It’s an amalgamation of a bunch of things, such that I don’t even know the true root of my disdain. With that said, I’m going to try and stream-of-conscious this sucker out in hopes that I’ll type a blog post that actually feels cathartic like it used to.

I was supposed to have my performance review today and was ready to go in guns-a-blazin’, ready to negotiate for a hefty and almost unrealistic raise. But about an hour before it was supposed to happen, it got postponed until next Tuesday. The reason:  my coworker quit. There is a backstory to that, too. He quit because he’s going to work for the popular fruit company. He didn’t actually seek them out; they actually contacted him, and a few weeks later, here he is. Coincidentally for him, things have been sucking for him at work. Because he’s the one who’s actually competent and knows what he’s doing, he ends up getting piled with work, which in turn makes him quickly realize that this isn’t fair. What’s more is that his boss is pretty bad– a lot worse than mine. He can’t for the life of him, hire a good developer and thus, my departing coworker is continually getting the short-end of the stick. Eventually, he stops tolerating all this shit, and starts pushing back, even trying to talk to the head guy of the office about how nothing is being addressed. To cut forward, some tension builds in the background until my coworker finally told the head guy that he’s resigning. Therefore, the reason why my performance review was postponed was because the head guy was basically not in the mood.

Two things from here:  1) my coworker had told me he was probably going to let them know he’s quitting next Tuesday, thus giving me time to get what I want out of them while they’re not in panic mode, and 2) obviously he did not do that. So now I feel like I’ve lost my chance at negotiating without them looking at me like I’m some ungrateful punk, like how they probably think of my departing coworker after he broke the news. You know what, though, I’m used to all this fucking neglect; the quiet guy doesn’t say anything, we’ll just ignore that he’s probably unhappy. Or the quiet guy says something, but fuck it, we’re not going to do anything about it. It still bothers the shit out of me, but whatever, it’s fine. But unbeknownst to them, they’re fucking me over elsewhere.

I told that other agency that contacted me, that I was going to be having my review this Friday, and that whether or not I would like to formally apply to their position is dependent on what happens in this review I was supposed to have. I would let her know by Tuesday, we both agreed. Doesn’t look like this’ll happen. Well fuck me in the ass. It’s probably not a big deal, but I feel like I’ve asked for a lot from the recruiter lady already. This is making me look like a fucking flake because the agency I work for is a fucking flake. My boss says we’ll do it first thing on Tuesday when we’re all refreshed. I don’t know what it is about that that truly pissed me off to the point where I didn’t even bother replying to her IM. Perhaps it’s the fact that I can’t trust a god damned thing she says anymore with regards to when things happen; her track record isn’t exactly spotless. Or it may be that she was pretty nonchalant about it, acting like it’s no big deal that this is moved. In actuality, it isn’t a big deal. But when I can’t seem to get any information from her, and then this happens, I become annoyed, then angry, then rude.

The nail in the coffin may have occurred this past Thursday. I drove my ass all the way across town to a focus testing session that one of our clients was doing, completely expecting my boss to be there because she gave me every indication that she would. When I get there, she isn’t there. And how exactly did I find out what happened? A lady from our client company told me. Wow. Really, WOW. I don’t think I’m overreacting here. I’ve had to find out many things about what’s going on with my boss from other people, but until now it has been from people within my company at least. But this time, I got my updates from our motherfucking client. ARE YOU SERIOUS. How is this remotely professional? I don’t give a fuck if you’re busy or had an emergency. You’re a fucking supervisor in charge of (only!) one fucking employee. Be fucking responsible and tell your fucking employee where the fuck you are. I truly and honestly– 100%– do not understand why this isn’t a big deal. Isn’t it kind of important that your underling knows where their boss is, or what’s going on? It’s like I’m playing a fucking mystery game where I’m piecing together clues and shit to understand what’s going on. Yeah, that’s how work feels because my boss fucking neglects me. Maybe she doesn’t know this, but it does actually affect my work because I don’t know what’s she’s expecting from me– so I end up just doing it anyways. “Maybe I need to be more proactive and continuously go to her,” I think. And get shot down because she’s not there? Or she doesn’t reply to your IM within a reasonable amount of time? Or she doesn’t respond to your text? Or because she’s busy and in the middle of something else so I have to wait a few minutes and then come back? Yeah, that’s all great for my morale. I don’t know what to tell her. I want to quit solely because of this, it seems. And the more I type this out, the more I feel like if I quit, it would be justified because quite frankly, she is a shitty boss 90% of the time, and I’m not mature enough to handle it.

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