Don’t Let Me Down

November 1, 2013

I’ve been put on this project where I’m supposed to describe how this certain attraction (which I’ll call Attraction X) is going to work. Attraction X consists of six individual activities, most of which are games. And, not knowing much else, I’ve been left alone to create this game design document that’s supposed to describe the details of these activities. This includes, controls, scoring, creating the UI, etc. My work in progress has been one giant shit-pile of assumptions. That project alone has been pissing me off because I can’t get anyone to fucking give me any direction. My boss is busy working on this other project and has just been letting me do this on my own. I don’t mind doing it on my own, but I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. We were supposed to have a meeting to review my work in progress, but it’s been post-poned so many times now. I’ve wasted so much of my time working on this mother fucking piece of shit project and have no idea if I’m on the right track. And now I’m already fucking irate that we’re going to review this next Monday (barring any re-fucking-scheduling, god fucking forbid), and everyone’s going to be like, “this is good, but…” And then there we go. All my wasted time wasted even more.

What bothers me even more is that my boss is so busy with another project that she hasn’t had time to fill me in other other incoming projects. And now, as fucking usual, I get put on this other project that she left practically the whole mother fucking day to go to an offsite meeting for. Why the fuck didn’t I go? This pisses me off. I fucking knew this was going to happen. Now I get put into the same fucking position where I know nothing about this project except what these fucking assholes tell me and they expect me to do the work. They went to Company X to view their products and shit, and learn about the project that, why yes, I’m going to be doing the MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN work for. Why the fuck did my boss go when clearly she is so fucking busy, and not me? So now today, she post-pones the Attraction X meeting we were supposed to have again, and then lays this new project on me. And now I’m fucking furious. Are you fucking kidding me, bitch? I don’t know what fucking role I play in this god damn agency. How much responsibility do I get? Sometimes I feel like I’m important enough to be included, and then sometimes shit like this happens where I have to hear it from the fucking horse’s mouth. And then our dickhole cocky ass-ociate creative director went to the offsite meeting too, so he’s telling me what’s going on an shit during our “kick-off” meeting, then tells me he wants to be more involved in the IA phase. Normally I’d be ok, but this guy thinks he fucking knows everything and is arrogant as shit when he feels like it. I don’t fucking handle pricks like that well when I’m forced to work with them. And the work my cunt boss gives me? Research other websites that accomplish X, Y, Z that the client wants and post it online so we can all review it Monday. FUCK YOU. Why don’t she do it? Or the fucking ACD guy do this shitty assignment? Oh that’s right, because it’s fucking bitch work that’s above them. What a fucking waste of my fucking god damn time, you fucking whore-ass bitch.

I’m sick of being the “oh here’s some work you can do cuz you can’t handle this” role, or the “I’m a fucking bitch-ass control freak and need to do all this shit by myself so here are some scraps while I slave away at this” role. Raise or not, fuck this place. Not doing work might fly for other people, but for my job, if I’m not doing anything, I’m not learning. And if I’m not learning, I’m going to have a fucking hard time selling myself when I look for another job, which is soon judging from how fucking pissed this shit is making me. I would love to just be able to go in Monday morning and say to my boss, “Good news: I’m putting in my two weeks notice.” That would just fuck her so hard and would not make me remorseful at all.

I left out other shit about my boss and the past few weeks in general that has fanned the flames of my hatred, but that’s the bulk of it. What’s left is really how my boss probably knows god damn well I’m annoyed, but never fucking asks about it. I’ve been ignoring all her unimportant IMs and only replying to those that require a response, and yet, nothing. I know she must know something’s up, because she’s asked me if I thought our other coworker was doing something passive-aggressively because of something she did– and that was so much more subtle than the shit I’m pulling right now. If only this bitch would confront me; I would love to be a huge fucking dick and just tell her that yes, I’m incredibly unhappy with her because quite frankly, most interactions I have with her leave me feeling let down and very disappointed. And then I would explain how she makes me feel like shit, and hope that it makes her feel like shit because fuck her. But that’s never going to happen because this bitch refuses to acknowledge that my bad mood is a result of her, which is just infuriating. “Why don’t you just go talk to her then?” I did before. I talked to her. I sent her an email. I never quite used such colorful words as I have here, but I talked to her. And you know what fucking happened? Nothing. So why would I be motivated to talk her again? Bitch couldn’t even reply to a god damn email. I’m bitter about it, and will forever be bitter about it.

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