Holding On For Life

December 31, 2013

I’m not sure where to even start talking about 2013. It had its moments. I think I had 5 goals I listed out in last year’s final post, and I really only did 3. I suppose I just got sidetracked.

2013 was as follows (in no particular order):

Portland
First road trip in a while, and was pretty much my only taste of “traveling” I had this year. I occasionally think about how nice that city was and wonder what it would be like if I moved there.

Coachella
This one was a mixed bag for me. It was lots of fun and a really cool experience, but it was also mixed with some “eh” emotions. To be fair, when do I not do anything without having any “eh” emotions?

lots of concerts
I went to a good amount of concerts this year– most of them alone. I have nothing bad to say about this one. I’m glad I did. FYF was also this year; I almost forgot. That was cool, too.

being more honest with myself
I like to think this was the case this year after rereading my posts. I’m not saying I’ve owned up to all my shortcoming and faults, but I did with some and I’m really trying to with the rest. I would say that this is a 2014 goal– to be completely honest with myself– but this shit is going to take more than a year, and I have bigger plans for 2014. More on that later.

work /career
I think I went from pissed-off to content over the course of a year. The performance review I had definitely helped, which in turn meant more money and more responsibility. I think they saved themselves from being overly swamped with work by giving me those things, because I think I would have cracked and left if they didn’t, which would have left them (particularly my boss) even more stressed than they have been these past few months. With that said, I never completely shut off the idea of leaving. I had some potential leads with recruiters and hiring managers, but nothing ever truly panned out.

weed
I smoked an exorbitant amount of marijuana this year. There’s really not much else to say. I have done many things high and it was a great experience.

my own apartment
Probably my biggest accomplishment this year. After years of dreaming about truly living on my own, I finally did it. It has been wonderful.

not traveling this year
The things above all really mixed together despite how I’ve listed them out separately. The way that things panned out this past year, left me with less need for sudden drastic change, and thus less energy devoted to planning a trip. I want to say that I will definitely go somewhere next year, but I won’t. It’s just too hard to tell.

I think for once I’ll enter the new year with no defined goals or plans. Maybe it’s because of the conversation I had with my friend this past Sunday about how I’m in a good enough place to do whatever I want to, that’s making me feel like 2014 is going to be a big year. I have ideas of what I would love to do, but there are so many of them and they’re all so different that I don’t think I can truly define what I want anymore. So for 2014, I’ll forgo any expectations and let myself act on impulse.

These last posts of the year are becoming less and less special when I consider how short apart they feel. A year is starting to feel more like two months. This scares me because apparently your mid-twenties is when you really grow as a person. I don’t doubt the maturation part of that package, in terms myself. But, experientially, there are so many “bad decisions” (as my coworker tells me) waiting to be made. I just have to let myself make them.

I am more than sad that I won’t be wandering the streets of some foreign city again this New Year’s Eve. I still don’t know what I’ll be doing exactly around midnight, but I’m beginning to feel ok with it. It’s all part of the unknown I mentioned above.

Happy new year, everyone.

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