No Cars Go

April 21, 2014

I just came back from Coachella, and feel don’t feel as euphoric about it as I had hoped. On one hand, it was much more fun than it was last year. On the other hand, I get the sense that I was just weird the whole time. To make matters worse, I think Coachella was the last “hurrah” before things get crazy for me. It’s not necessarily crazy that’s caused by being busy, but a combination of that and stress– which pretty much gives me anxiety.

Work – I don’t know what to expect going back to work tomorrow. I like that I’d be returning to something I’ve already gotten used to. I’m starting to wonder if I actually fit in there, though. The work is not what I want to be doing. And by extension, the work is making it such that I hate the people I have to work with. And since the whole office is busy with stupid projects, I feel like my office friends and I lost each other to work. It’s like any inkling of happiness I had for the place has slowly died as we got more and more social media projects and these stupid games. It certainly doesn’t help that I’m doing work that isn’t all that pertinent to my skill set except for my ability to tolerate bitch work.

Teaching – I need to buy Omnigraffle 6, learn it, and then create an hour and a half lesson plan. I’m nervous about it, but I don’t think there’ll be a shit ton of people there, so maybe it won’t be so bad. I just keep thinking back to the lessons I tried teaching during class, and everyone’s lethargic attitude towards it. Gotta pretend I have a ton of energy and enthusiasm for the subject I guess.

Job search – one of the companies that reached out to me sent me a rejection email, most likely because I was asking for too much. I guess that’s fine because I didn’t really want to work there anyways (and I mean that sincerely). My old co-worker’s sister works at another agency, though, and said they’re in need of another UX designer. I’ve been really on the fence about whether or not to apply, particularly because I get a sense that I’d have a good chance of getting it if I applied. But the question is:  do I really want to leave where I am now for that place? Will I be happy if I leave for there? After Coachella, and thinking about how I feel about work, my coworkers, and knowing for a fact the coworker that I went to Coachella with and who I have the hots for, doesn’t want a relationship and so on and so forth, I don’t feel as attached to that place as I once was. Is it the end of the world if I left things just up to my boss? Probably? But she’s going through some shit, too, and I kinda don’t want to be around to experience it. The environment at work has just gotten to be way too weird for me. It’s a mix of politics, drama, with an air of comedy that keeps it kind of light.

Miscellaneous – Everyone’s graduating again, and while I am in full support of my friends and their accomplishments, the lazy part of me doesn’t want to go. I’m also supposed to create a website for our podcast we’re doing, but haven’t had time to do anything for it yet. My mind has been filled with all of these to-dos from work, my parents, and everything in between, that I’m getting overwhelmed.

Coachella – I almost forgot to talk about Coachella. To reiterate: it was better than last year. It was fun. It was weird. I don’t know if I’d do it again unless people really want me to go. It’s just too much sometimes. I’m bummed about my mind being preoccupied the whole weekend, and it annoys me that I think it took some enjoyment out of the weekend. Still, despite how much of a blur it was, I’m glad I went. I think I needed it.

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