As Far As I Can See

November 7, 2014

I’m fairly certain that my coworker (Lana*) knows I like my other coworker (Lynn*), which would mean that I’ve been pretty obvious. So, that would mean Lynn should know. But I don’t read that in her at all. Even if Lynn didn’t come to the realization herself, I’m pretty sure Lana would’ve brought it up in conversation since they’re somewhat close. Or maybe not? Or maybe I’m just blind as a fuck to any signal she’s sending, good or bad. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised. I read people pretty well when I’m focused (read: not high), but not at all when it comes to flirting or personal relationships. Shit god damn. I think I just figured it out. I’m high, like, 80% of the time I’m around her, so no wonder I can’t tell what the hell she’s thinking. That and the fact she’s also high 80% of the time she’s around me, so who knows where her head actually goes when she’s super baked.

Anyways, I’m starting to potentially over-read everything she says and does to me now. She has been close, but kind of snappy with me lately. I’m starting to realize that many things I say come across as dick-ish. I have Lynn to thank for that, because she’s been snapping back at things I say and then ending it with, “you dick!” All of this in her joking voice, of course. This makes me think: “Wow, does all the shit I say come across that offensively?” and “Hmm, is she flirting, strictly joking, or really calling me out?”– both at the same time.

I’ve partially not made a move because I know she’s very particular about her single life right now. Perhaps not so much because she doesn’t want a relationship or not want to date, but because she’s always so damn busy. But she likes the hustle, and knows what she wants to do, and knows that she can do it (traits about her I like a lot). As such, I’ve kept some distance, but now maybe it’s been enough time? Or maybe it’s the wrong time.

^^ This is why I’m single.

* Not their real name. C’mon, when have I ever even used a name on this blog?

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