Vestiges

December 31, 2016

I don’t know what I can’t believe more: that the year is already over, or that I can’t believe it. I only had one post this entire year, and so unfortunately it may seem like a sparse year for those looking on the outside. But, as I sit here and recount what happened this past year, I’m reminded that many things happened, both good and bad.

It was an interesting year; heartache, much like 2015, but in a different way. By the time that I began to recover from that soul-crushing love swoon, the myopia began to fade, and I was seeing more and more how the world is going to shit. And it’s not like I’m the only one that feels it. In fact it’s the opposite– everyone knows the world is going to shit, and you can feel that fear and tension weighing heavy on everyone’s soul. Add to the fact that a large number of cultural icons died this year, and it makes it hard to miss 2016. But that’s just the world and the context for which my life exists. Let’s see what happened to me this past year, in no particular order:

  • Played more ping pong
  • Launched an app at work
  • Got declined a raise at work
  • Went to Europe on a whim (“whim” by my standards)
  • Went to a pretty decent number of concerts
  • Went camping a few times
  • Had a panic attack for the first time
  • Kept my facial hair for an entire year for the first time, which also happened to start on a whim
  • Went to Colorado on a whim
  • Got into a car accident
  • Hit my first major financial milestone
  • Had an episode of Major Crimes filmed at my apartment complex
  • Seemed to get a little more proficient at the guitar, especially after really trying to focus on technique

So what’s it all mean? Nothing as far as I’ve realized. Just another year spent doing some fun things here and there, without any real purpose. I suppose the real “purpose” is that I’m saving up to buy a house, which seems to be the case if I felt like putting that thought into words. But then what? What happens when I buy that house? It’s the same idea for dating and having a relationship in general– and life, really. What happens after you get married, have kids? Hell, what happens after you raise them? I suppose I’ve been hesitant in making a move (“move” in a general sense) because I don’t want to make the wrong move, but it’s been making me more and more unhappy. There is something to be said for seizing the day and just going for it; but on the other hand, you could argue that they’re major decisions you’d be diving into. But, on another hand, who knows how much of a stable world will be left for us to live in by the time 2018 rolls around.

And so I am faced with that same promise of change going into the new year yet again. Work seems to be at a tipping point. My emotional state and well-being seems to be at a tipping point. The world– in its political, cultural, social, environmental– is at a tipping point. My life in general seems to be at a tipping point. 2016 really seemed to be the calm before the storm. I am sincerely a bit concerned of what will come of 2017.

I can’t leave off on such a sour note. I think it’s important to think positive thoughts. Not necessarily naive positivity, but an optimistic understanding that life will go on, and people find a way. From a scientific perspective, things want to reach equilibrium. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.

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